hmmm...

SO I guess i must have a lot on my mind or im really, really bored because i seem to be blogging three times in one day. i guess i just need to process everything right now. It's getting to that time where i need to reflect on the year and everything thats happened and start about thinking about life this summer and next fall. Actually this is probably my least favorite time of the year because it means everything that i finally adjusted to is now going to change again and this year not even the next six months are certain. I'm so worn right now with life in general that i don't actually have too many feelings about everything. I just know that i can't wait for camp when i can for at least 7 weeks put everything here behind me and focus on other people. If my days are full enough then i don't really have to think about next year at all, which isn't exactly healthy, but then again neither is thinking about it all the time...So while I was writing this my pa came into the room and gave me a letter that I wrote to myself at the beginning of the year. I had forgotten all about it, but now that i read it its strangely true of my year. Here it is:

Dear Leah,
This year seems to be a mix of seeing God work in wonderful ways and then shaking the foundations of my hopes and dreams. Everywhere I turn I'm being reminded to place my hope and confidence in God, not in my dreams, to make your plans for me my own. I don't know what this year holds for me, whether its my last at SPU, whether I make it inot nursing or get pa or whether I take a year off or am at UWT or PLU, or whether my friendships hold or I rely on you. I do know that this is a pivotal year for me. I can see that in the few weeks I've been here so far. Whatever has happened do not fear, do not give into FEAR, for God knows all. He gives what is good and will lead me beside still waters. Trust him now with this year and the decisions. He has a better plan for you than you do for yourself. I know there are tears and pain and anguish in store, but also joy and peace and contentment. Remember to never loose that deep joy, though the road gets very narrow. There will always be JOY. Own this year and bear your cross with the joy set before you. Keep persevering on!

I have no idea what to do with this right now. I wrote this in October and just about every emotion in here I've felt. This really, really sucks. and has been incredible...