Compassion

So I have just been challenged and comforted on so many levels by "compassion" by henry nouwen. I don't really know where to start, but i had to write about it. This has been the perfect book to read this week with group and nursing. So many thins not going my way and feeling so separated. I've been reminded that God's grace is enough and that the beauty is that there is no fear for where I am going, that my future and the things that have happened this year are just part of the unique journey before, that community, love and trust will come from them. I have been so changed this year. I have gone from some of the deepest pain I have ever been in to total apathy and depression to anger ato resignation to bitterness to peace ( ridiculous peace) to hope and to joy in this craziness. I don't understand and I only hope that some day this will all make sense because as much as this year has sucked it has been really cool to see so many things change even though nothing new has come to replace them yet. I am fully relying on the goodness of God and finally learning to live in the present- not regretful that the past is finished and not scared that the future is uncertain. Sometimes a light does surprise the christian iin the deepest ways. I keep coming back to this hymn because it continues to remain true in my life. The craziest, hardest times are the ones that show God's grace more strongly than any other. It is in darkness that we begin to see the light. ( i know that sounds incredibly cheesy, buts it true). I thought it couldn't get worse with my faith, but God has shown that "he who feeds the ravens will give his children bread." he will allow us to rejoice with all we have. It still sucks and I really do not like any part of it, but God is wholly good and will be my all in all. He's given me the grace to obey and to give it up to him. There is so much joy in obedience and trust because there is no more fear and there is no more doubt. Christ leads to joy even if it means the cross, even if it means death to all that I want. He will see my dross burned and my gold refined. Thankyou for this year, this terrible, beautiful, scary, horrible, wonderful year that has shown our faithfulness in ways I never thought possible. Thankyou for my rejection to nursing- i hate having to say this. Thank you fror my being on group. I have no idea how it fits into your plan., but I realize now that I love the people and have been given an incredible chance to srve and have seen how community and christian living is astruggle and a priviledge. Now I ask for the grace to continue next year with hardship and the gift of being here one more quarter. When I found out I was so happy. I didn't realize how much I was keeping myself from hopin, but now that scares me a little. Oh well, one step at a time. Give me grace.