I feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions right now, but none of those directions are where I'm supposed to be. As the days grow closer to when I will begin a new school, a new year, a new major, new friends, new life, I can't help but desire the old, the comfortable, the mundane of the past three years again. I want that connectedness, the feeling that I was part of something bigger and greater than myself. Maybe thats my problem. I don't know. All I do know is that I feel for the first time since realizing that Im not going to be at SPU and on group, a deep sense of loss, of wondering how I will grow and change on my own, without those familiar experiences shaping me. A new world of possibilities has opened up and I suppose I should be excited for the endlessness of them, but right now I just want that comfortable familiarity of the Teacup on a rainy afternoon in October. I want to set up light trees and eat subway three times a week with beautiful people that I love dearly.

I know we don't always get to see the full picture and so I'm trying to embrace the little piece I have now or maybe cling to it is a better word. I'm trying to be patient until the day I get to see clearly what has been so muddled now, but its hard. And so I have days like today where it takes all of my willpower just to be content...