Envelopes continued...

I didn't get into SPU's program. Well, I was waitlisted, so my odds of getting in are pretty small. But it doesn't really matter, because when I saw that tiny little envelope, I realized I didn't lose anything that couldn't be found elsewhere. I don't know what I was so scared about. I'm a different person today than I was last year, not because I am better, but because Jesus Christ has met me where I am time and again. From these experiences I have been blessed with faith and hope and peace. Besides, now I'm so used to waiting that realizing I have another couple months of uncertaintity doesn't feel that bad. In fact, it feels kind of good to know that nothing has really changed. Does it hurt at all? The answer is an emphatic YES, but I know now that despite the hurt, God is working something good in my life, and he will see it to perfection. So as I sit here trying to process everything through, I am more than convinced that this tiny envelope was a very good gift from above.

An Envelope

Its time for me to finally know something about my future. I'm thrilled and terrified and so glad that I can live in blissful ignorance for another three days. I know I am different person than I was last year at this time, but I'm still afraid that everything I've learned, that who I've become will somehow change when I see whether or not I have a large envelope or a small one. I don't even have to open it if its small...I'll just know.
There's another part of me that doesn't care whether or not I stay at SPU next year;in some ways I feel ready to move on. THis year has been so good for me in so many ways, that to move on now would feel right, but to stay? What will happen if I stay?
So in three days I'll open up my envelope and a little bit of my future will unfold itself from the pages, and I'll finally know something. But what will it be? Whatever it is, it will be good.