It was the best of times...

I recently finished reading Dicken's "A Tale of Two Cities" and once again I am mesmerized by his beautiful writing. Some of his sentences could literally be formed into a poem and the rhythm of his words keeps the story pulsing along. It is no wonder that his books are still read and valued today. The only thing I can critique him on (which is probably not legitimate since I could not do better myself) are the perfection of Lucie and Charles, which makes the story lack some of the depth it otherwise could have maintained. I say that anyone who would desire to be a good writer should know and at least appreciate Dicken's talent for crafting words and phrases into elegantly constructed sentences, which in turn lead to a fast-paced and interesting story. Summer is coming and with it more time for reading, so just do it.

cut-offs

I'm sprucing up my spring and summer wardrobe. I got a few spring shirts that I can wear to church and one or two for camp this summer. With a trip to XXI at the Southcenter Mall and a couple skirts I sewed, I'm all set. All in all my new favorite thing to do is take old pairs of jeans that I haven't worn in forever and turn them into shorts and capris. They look awesome and its saved me around 30$ a pair (not that I was planning on spending that much anyway). Now I just have to wait for warm weather so I can show off my new creations!

spring!

I don't have much to say other than spring is surely on its way because the daffodils are out and the cherry trees are blossoming. I don't care that it snowed yesterday in some areas of the PNW yesterday, or that its been incredibly cold this morning. The sun is shining and every growing thing is starting to wake up and stretch. On top of this, daylight savings is starting soon so it won't be quite as dark at 6:30 anymore!

To mark this time of new beginnings I broke out my spring dresses and skirts and wore the first of them to church on Sunday. I also stole a flower from my neighbors yard to put in my hair. No matter that I had no white shoes, I stopped at Payless on the way and bought some (for a steal, I might add).

Cherry blossoms I love you!

The Future scurries
As mice evade a calculated reaching-
Her dimly lit horizon folds itself -
A Gauzy haze.
No scrambling, clutching ever yielded
Sweetness to my sight,
Nor curved arc provided
Vision to some breathless soul.

Penetrations- a sideways glance-
Over-the-shoulder musings-
Afford a better view.

humble pie

I can be really stupid and immature sometimes and this was one of those weeks...gah. I am learning from the experience though, so hopefully it won't happen again...humble pie is good for the soul. Hopefully, I haven't completely messed everything up and if I did, oh well.

Other than that, not much to say except I'm rereading Mere Christianity and its really convicting me to do some things differently. So with God's help, this week (and hopefully continually) I am trying to be less lazy (i.e. facebook,tv time) and spend more of it helping my parents and friends. I also want to try harder in school...even though my grades are fine right now, I just haven't been giving school my all and I want to do better at that too.

On another note, random though it may be, I need to cook more often. I haven't cooked a real meal in a long time. Who knows when I will have time to do this, but I would like to.

And finally, I really miss the sun. Normally, I can do just fine with our over-cast weather in the PNW, but this year its really getting to me. I just need some sun and a warm beach somewhere to rejuvenate myself.

Severe Mercy continued...

This is one of the countless poems about grieving and loss that Emily has written. Its one of my favorites of hers and gives words to my heart. I think one of the reasons I have loved this cultural grieving class is that I'm a rather emo person by nature. When I tried to recall my first loss it felt exactly as the first stanza of this poem describes. I've always felt this strange sadness, it wasn't depression, but was more a general sense of sorrow for myself and the people of our world. Of course i wouldn't have used those words, I didn't really know this was how I thought until recently, but its been there. I've always been searching for the Kingdom of God, as I would argue we all are in our own ways, and I find myself closest to it, to JOY, when I am sorrowing... its the upside down gospel! (thanks,bob). Like I said before, this idea infuses all of life with meaning and beauty for me. The kingdom of God has found me! Gah! I could talk about this for the rest of my life and probably will.



A loss of something ever felt I—
The first that I could recollect
Bereft I was—of what I knew not
Too young that any should suspect

A Mourner walked among the children
I notwithstanding went about
As one bemoaning a Dominion
Itself the only Prince cast out—

Elder, Today, a session wiser
And fainter, too, as Wiseness is—
I find myself still softly searching
For my Delinguent Palaces—

And a Suspicion, like a Finger
Touches my Forehead now and then
That I am looking oppositely
For the site of the Kingdom of Heaven—

Severe Mercy

I am currently taking a class on cultural grieving and at the same time happened to be reading a book called A Severe Mercy, which deals with an essentially christian way of grieving. I am finding out how natural and beautiful and even desirable (at least for me) grieving and loss experiences can be. I'm not sure the author of A Severe Mercy would say that he desired his wife's death from cancer. In fact, if you read the book, it was the last thing he wanted, but I do believe he would say it was necessary. The final chapters of his book deal with this concept: the idea that what hurts us most is and can be for our good. Hence, the title.

If there is any idea that compells me more, that motivatives me in my christian walk, it is this. The paradox of sorrow and joy. A mercy that is so severe that only Love Himself could give it. Somehow this idea makes all of life worth living.