Do it yourself: snowglobes

I found Do It Yourself snow globe idea on another blog and thought it would be really fun and cute to make. If you nanny or have kids this would be a fun project to do with them. Although I have to admit that I sort of want to try one myself

http://theperfectpearpair.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2010-12-04T20%3A24%3A00-08%3A00

Fear

“you are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear”

I read this passage and thought about how many times in the past three months I have given way to fear. Fear that what God has for me is not what I want. Fear that what God has for me will be years from now before it is fulfilled.  Fear that I will never be able to love again. Fear that I will never be free from wanting what is not for me to have. I think of all these fears. How they swirl in my brain, one after the other taking prominence and then fading into the background as the next one steps forward to take its place. 

 I’ve always prided myself on not being and not doing the very attitudes and actions that have come to represent me in the past few months. Now I am afraid of the shift in my identity. Who am I now? What will I be when this is all over?

I am afraid of the past, of going back to that place where darkness reigns, where everything is hidden behind the veil and I am made of glass but won’t break.

I am afraid.

But I am also Sarah’s daughter. I am a child of the covenant. I am Christ’s sister.  I have an Advocate in the heavenly throne room. One who conquered fear and stands in defiance of it. One who will slay fear and put all his enemies to flight when He comes again with the hosts of heaven. I am his daughter and his sister. I am his and “no power of hell, no scheme of man can ever pluck me from his hand.” I stand justified and I am in the process of being sanctified.

Sanctification is what every Christian dreads and longs for. Holiness. He is too pure, too good for us and yet we long to be like him, to be free finally from all that entangles us. We long to taste his goodness to be as much like him as we possibly can regardless of the cost. Do I sometimes fear the cost? Of course I do. But somehow, I also know that by these sacrifices I make, I am coming closer to that day when I worship in the heavenly throne room, when the sacrifices and hardships and trials I have made here will be counted completely as loss compared with seeing Him who I long to see. Jesus crucified. Jesus glorified. Jesus king. Jesus master. Jesus.

Make me more ready for that day, Jesus. When I think of that day there is no more to fear. Fear, death and suffering have been outdone. They can harm me no more.  

I'll be honest and say I'm having an incredibly rough go of it the past three months. I feel as if my heart is being pulled in two opposite directions and I know what I must do, but that doesn't make the doing of it any easier. I want to do the right thing, but at the same time the right thing to do is also my least favorite option. The narrow gate and the narrow road have always been the hardest paths to stay on, and for good reason. God, grant me strength to face this test and when all is over to stand before you still.

Answers

excerpt from Till We Have Faces: "I ended my first book with the words no answer. I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice?"

prettiness

No words -none.

They were stolen from my breath

Before my tongue formed them

My hands traced them

My body taught them.

They were small. So small.

And how could they withstand

The weight of silence

Its barreling force crushing in its path

Stolen moments from borrowed days

I could not give them back if I tried.

They were not mine to give or take

But they felt so right in my hands

Shivering with greed.

There were no words.

Broken fragments gathered from

The shattered bottle speak

But this

This is victory of a different kind.

I wish I didn't understand this

I cannot live with You-
It would be Life_
And Life is over there-
Behind the Shelf-

The Sexton keeps the Key to
Putting up
Our Life- His Porcelain_
Like a Cup-

Discarded of the Housewife-
Quaint - or Broke-
A newer Sevres pleases-
Old Ones crack-

I could not die-with You-
For One must wait
To shut the Other's Gaze down-
You- could not-

And I- Could I stand by
And see You -freeze-
Without my Right of Frost-
Death's privilege?

Nor could I rise-with You-
Because Your Face
Would put out Jesus'-
That New Grace

Grow plain-and foreign
On my homesick Eye-
Except that You than He
Shone closer by-

They'd just Us-How-
For You- served Heaven-
You know,
Or sought to-
I could not-

Because You saturated Sight-
And I had no more Eyes
For sordid excellence
As Paradise

And were You lost, I would be-
Though My Name
Rang loudest
On the Heavenly fame-

And were You- saved-
And I- condemned to be
Where You were not-
That self- were Hell to Me-

So We must meet apart-
You there- I - here-
With just the Door ajar
That Oceans are- and Prayer-
And that White Sustenance-
Despair-

Emily D.

covet worthy items II

This first wedding dress I would most definitely wear. I love the Edwardian era and this is a most exquisite piece. The second picture I like, not because I would wear the dress, but because the photographer did an excellent job of capturing another time. There's something about the lighting, the veil, and garden scene that conjures up images of an early 20th century fairy tale. I half expect an old ford automobile to come dashing around the corner and spatter mud everywhere.

covet worthy items

I found this first nightgown on ebay, but it cost too much money to buy. Isn't it absolutely stunning? I know it  might be a little awkward to post on a blog about the beauty of old-fashioned lingerie, but its just so elegant!

The second one is such cute fifties version. I would love to turn it into a dress, but unfortunately it too was much to expensive for me to purchase. 

Here's to wishing and hoping that someday I can come across more affordable versions!

Poem

I prayed the Rain to kiss his lips

The wind Caress his Cheek

And Sun- that yellow Orbit

All her golden Stores unleash.

Foolish- now I see-

 How Nature cannot Further grace

What screams out Life to me.

Outdone- Creation steals her own

And left am I- alone.

new creation

This is for my friend's brother. He likes horses and the color orange so I was commissioned to make him this. I still have to add his eyes and a tail, but isn't he cute?

The Lion of Judah

I stole this great quote off someone else's blog:

"We are constantly assured that the churches are empty because preachers insist too much upon doctrine — ‘dull dogma,’ as people call it. The fact is the precise opposite. It is the neglect of dogma that makes for dullness. The Christian faith is the most exciting drama that ever staggered the imagination of man — and the dogma is the drama…. This is the dogma we find so dull — this terrifying drama in which God is the victim and the hero. If this is dull, then what, in Heaven’s name, is worthy to be called exciting? The people who hanged Christ never, to do them justice, accused Him of being a bore — on the contrary; they thought Him too dynamic to be safe. It has been left for later generations to muffle up that shattering personality and surround Him with an atmosphere of tedium. We have very efficiently pared the claws of the Lion of Judah, certifying Him ‘meek and mild,’ and recommended Him as a fitting household pet for pale curates and pious old ladies."

— Dorothy Sayers

apron numero dos

This is the second apron I made following the same pattern. I almost like it better than the first one I made, but its for a wedding present so I can't keep it. shhh! don't tell!

losers and weddings

Two very different images but i love them both for very different reasons. The first is one of those old campaigns to end drug usage, which would not go over very well today in our pc culture (be wise not weird!) and the second is such a beautiful, classic wedding picture.

Camp Harkness 2010! In five weeks, I will be singing campfire songs, eating marshmellows, sleeping in a cabin with all my favorite camp friends, eating gross cafeteria food (think tuna casserole mass produced), swimming in the ocean, walking around the mansion, going to dunkin donuts and walmarts on nights off, recounting favorite camper memories, being with favorite campers, and doing 14 days. Such bliss.

I started with Camp Harkness 2007 and I was placed in cabin 5: special needs. For the past three summers I have worked with individuals with severe developmental disabilities and loved it. All the mid-night craziness, all the day-time craziness. Think well-organized chaos. Its beautiful. This summer I have a new role: administrative assistant. I've been promoted along with three of my friends and this means new adventures. Instead of working in a cabin, I will be over-seeing two cabins and making sure that the counselors in those cabins have the support they need. Along with that I'll have the task of helping to run camp itself during the week. I'm really excited to see a different angle on camp and get to work with some of my dear friends.

This will be my last summer at camp and I"m already sad thinking about it. I have so many wonderful summer time memories in that place: what will be four summers of memories. Its hard to imagine a summer without Camp Harkness, but I know its just around the bend. So this summer is all about making the most of the two months I have there, and storing up memories and friendships that will last a lifetime.

p.s. If anyone wants a summer job working with people with developmental disabilities....let me know!

This is what I would dress like every day if I could. I'm so sad that our American culture has lost the elegance and sweetness in its fashion. It seems like all we're good at is designing slutty clothing. sigh.

vintage apron

This is my latest creation. I  found some really cute material that looks mid-50's or 60's and I made an apron out of it.  I'm too afraid of getting it dirty so I think its going into my cedar chest until I have a special occasion to wear it.

Philippians

"Do everything without COMPLAINING or ARGUING, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold the word of life." (Philippians 2:14-15)


I was looking for a passage of comfort tonight in my devotions and whining to myself about insignificant things in my day, when I came across this passage. I memorized it a long time ago in high school when Mr. Hannula did a devotional on these verses. But I've clearly forgotten and ignored them. What a wake up call.

Do "EVERYTHING without arguing or complaining". That doesn't give me a whole lot of room for excuses: no "buts" and "why's" and "how comes". I wish I could find some way around it, that there was an exception because thinking of all the times I've complained in the last day alone shows my less than stellar track record. I'd be lying if I wanted to do this, but the pure in heart are those who will see God. And I want to see God. So please forgive me, Jesus, so that I might see your face, for as the Song of songs says, "your voice is sweet and your face is lovely."

It was the best of times...

I recently finished reading Dicken's "A Tale of Two Cities" and once again I am mesmerized by his beautiful writing. Some of his sentences could literally be formed into a poem and the rhythm of his words keeps the story pulsing along. It is no wonder that his books are still read and valued today. The only thing I can critique him on (which is probably not legitimate since I could not do better myself) are the perfection of Lucie and Charles, which makes the story lack some of the depth it otherwise could have maintained. I say that anyone who would desire to be a good writer should know and at least appreciate Dicken's talent for crafting words and phrases into elegantly constructed sentences, which in turn lead to a fast-paced and interesting story. Summer is coming and with it more time for reading, so just do it.

cut-offs

I'm sprucing up my spring and summer wardrobe. I got a few spring shirts that I can wear to church and one or two for camp this summer. With a trip to XXI at the Southcenter Mall and a couple skirts I sewed, I'm all set. All in all my new favorite thing to do is take old pairs of jeans that I haven't worn in forever and turn them into shorts and capris. They look awesome and its saved me around 30$ a pair (not that I was planning on spending that much anyway). Now I just have to wait for warm weather so I can show off my new creations!

spring!

I don't have much to say other than spring is surely on its way because the daffodils are out and the cherry trees are blossoming. I don't care that it snowed yesterday in some areas of the PNW yesterday, or that its been incredibly cold this morning. The sun is shining and every growing thing is starting to wake up and stretch. On top of this, daylight savings is starting soon so it won't be quite as dark at 6:30 anymore!

To mark this time of new beginnings I broke out my spring dresses and skirts and wore the first of them to church on Sunday. I also stole a flower from my neighbors yard to put in my hair. No matter that I had no white shoes, I stopped at Payless on the way and bought some (for a steal, I might add).

Cherry blossoms I love you!

The Future scurries
As mice evade a calculated reaching-
Her dimly lit horizon folds itself -
A Gauzy haze.
No scrambling, clutching ever yielded
Sweetness to my sight,
Nor curved arc provided
Vision to some breathless soul.

Penetrations- a sideways glance-
Over-the-shoulder musings-
Afford a better view.

humble pie

I can be really stupid and immature sometimes and this was one of those weeks...gah. I am learning from the experience though, so hopefully it won't happen again...humble pie is good for the soul. Hopefully, I haven't completely messed everything up and if I did, oh well.

Other than that, not much to say except I'm rereading Mere Christianity and its really convicting me to do some things differently. So with God's help, this week (and hopefully continually) I am trying to be less lazy (i.e. facebook,tv time) and spend more of it helping my parents and friends. I also want to try harder in school...even though my grades are fine right now, I just haven't been giving school my all and I want to do better at that too.

On another note, random though it may be, I need to cook more often. I haven't cooked a real meal in a long time. Who knows when I will have time to do this, but I would like to.

And finally, I really miss the sun. Normally, I can do just fine with our over-cast weather in the PNW, but this year its really getting to me. I just need some sun and a warm beach somewhere to rejuvenate myself.

Severe Mercy continued...

This is one of the countless poems about grieving and loss that Emily has written. Its one of my favorites of hers and gives words to my heart. I think one of the reasons I have loved this cultural grieving class is that I'm a rather emo person by nature. When I tried to recall my first loss it felt exactly as the first stanza of this poem describes. I've always felt this strange sadness, it wasn't depression, but was more a general sense of sorrow for myself and the people of our world. Of course i wouldn't have used those words, I didn't really know this was how I thought until recently, but its been there. I've always been searching for the Kingdom of God, as I would argue we all are in our own ways, and I find myself closest to it, to JOY, when I am sorrowing... its the upside down gospel! (thanks,bob). Like I said before, this idea infuses all of life with meaning and beauty for me. The kingdom of God has found me! Gah! I could talk about this for the rest of my life and probably will.



A loss of something ever felt I—
The first that I could recollect
Bereft I was—of what I knew not
Too young that any should suspect

A Mourner walked among the children
I notwithstanding went about
As one bemoaning a Dominion
Itself the only Prince cast out—

Elder, Today, a session wiser
And fainter, too, as Wiseness is—
I find myself still softly searching
For my Delinguent Palaces—

And a Suspicion, like a Finger
Touches my Forehead now and then
That I am looking oppositely
For the site of the Kingdom of Heaven—

Severe Mercy

I am currently taking a class on cultural grieving and at the same time happened to be reading a book called A Severe Mercy, which deals with an essentially christian way of grieving. I am finding out how natural and beautiful and even desirable (at least for me) grieving and loss experiences can be. I'm not sure the author of A Severe Mercy would say that he desired his wife's death from cancer. In fact, if you read the book, it was the last thing he wanted, but I do believe he would say it was necessary. The final chapters of his book deal with this concept: the idea that what hurts us most is and can be for our good. Hence, the title.

If there is any idea that compells me more, that motivatives me in my christian walk, it is this. The paradox of sorrow and joy. A mercy that is so severe that only Love Himself could give it. Somehow this idea makes all of life worth living.