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I tasted dark, ripe fruits,

The plum-red stain dyed

Crimson on my tongue - rebelliously sweet,

Sweeter than honey

Dripping from the comb.

I bathed my face, my body in it-

But instead of Satisfaction-Craving;

It seeped into my bones

My marrow stank with it.

Enough! Enough! I cried

But once tasted Hunger cannot be sated-

The curse encompasses Touch

The cells know the Master

And they obey- they obey!

How strange-then- infant fruits shall grow

One morsel-Satisfaction find-

Once crushed upon the ground the curse confined-

The reek of rotting fruit-

The soil fertile grows-

And makes a ruby stain

That waters thirsty ground.

Jimmy

Today the world lost a superhero. Jimmy was a camper who represented the epitome of Camp Harkness. He lived passionately, taking time to enjoy the small moments like telling a joke or patting you on the back. When his car pulled up on Sunday afternoons counselors flocked to greet him and most likely they would hear him saying "Hi ya prick". Only Jimmy could get away with calling someone that. I'll always think of him sitting on the beach at Harkness in some perpetual summer.

Losing campers is always extraordinarily difficult. Something magical happens at Camp Harkness. Its a place where you can be who you want to be. It really is the one place on earth (in my experience) where it doesn't matter what your capabilities are, how you look, or how much money you have. What counts is learning to be ok with who you and your limitations, and learning to be ok with others. Its challenging work. You do 14 hour shifts, sometimes are awake for most of the night, only have two nights off a week, and do a lot of direct care, but its also where the rubber meets the road. Its meeting people when they are vulnerable and finding that in order to do so, you have to be vulnerable too. Its the day you wake up and realize that you have learned more from the people you are "serving" than they ever have from you that you "get" it. Its being ok with the chaos and learning to embrace it. Its finding out that someone who is 30 years older than you, has a developmental disability, and a completely different life history can be a good friend, can make you laugh harder than anyone else ever has, and really isn't so different from you after all.

Camp is my favorite place on earth and my campers some of the best people I know. Jimmy was one of those and I am grateful for the opportunity to have spent 4 summers with him, living life and figuring out exactly how I fit into it.

Do it yourself: snowglobes

I found Do It Yourself snow globe idea on another blog and thought it would be really fun and cute to make. If you nanny or have kids this would be a fun project to do with them. Although I have to admit that I sort of want to try one myself

http://theperfectpearpair.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2010-12-04T20%3A24%3A00-08%3A00

Fear

“you are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear”

I read this passage and thought about how many times in the past three months I have given way to fear. Fear that what God has for me is not what I want. Fear that what God has for me will be years from now before it is fulfilled.  Fear that I will never be able to love again. Fear that I will never be free from wanting what is not for me to have. I think of all these fears. How they swirl in my brain, one after the other taking prominence and then fading into the background as the next one steps forward to take its place. 

 I’ve always prided myself on not being and not doing the very attitudes and actions that have come to represent me in the past few months. Now I am afraid of the shift in my identity. Who am I now? What will I be when this is all over?

I am afraid of the past, of going back to that place where darkness reigns, where everything is hidden behind the veil and I am made of glass but won’t break.

I am afraid.

But I am also Sarah’s daughter. I am a child of the covenant. I am Christ’s sister.  I have an Advocate in the heavenly throne room. One who conquered fear and stands in defiance of it. One who will slay fear and put all his enemies to flight when He comes again with the hosts of heaven. I am his daughter and his sister. I am his and “no power of hell, no scheme of man can ever pluck me from his hand.” I stand justified and I am in the process of being sanctified.

Sanctification is what every Christian dreads and longs for. Holiness. He is too pure, too good for us and yet we long to be like him, to be free finally from all that entangles us. We long to taste his goodness to be as much like him as we possibly can regardless of the cost. Do I sometimes fear the cost? Of course I do. But somehow, I also know that by these sacrifices I make, I am coming closer to that day when I worship in the heavenly throne room, when the sacrifices and hardships and trials I have made here will be counted completely as loss compared with seeing Him who I long to see. Jesus crucified. Jesus glorified. Jesus king. Jesus master. Jesus.

Make me more ready for that day, Jesus. When I think of that day there is no more to fear. Fear, death and suffering have been outdone. They can harm me no more.  

I'll be honest and say I'm having an incredibly rough go of it the past three months. I feel as if my heart is being pulled in two opposite directions and I know what I must do, but that doesn't make the doing of it any easier. I want to do the right thing, but at the same time the right thing to do is also my least favorite option. The narrow gate and the narrow road have always been the hardest paths to stay on, and for good reason. God, grant me strength to face this test and when all is over to stand before you still.

Answers

excerpt from Till We Have Faces: "I ended my first book with the words no answer. I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice?"

prettiness